Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
