left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
