so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
