saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
