This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Randomize
