glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Randomize
