He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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