i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Couch. On fire.
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