I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
