oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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