East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
