I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
