i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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