They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
