she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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