if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
