I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
