I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
