i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
