i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
