I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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