i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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