sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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