i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
