I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
