She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
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