mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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