Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Someone signed my nipple.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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