i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
