how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
