as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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