And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
