hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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