They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
