ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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