And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
You left your phone here
Wait...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
