At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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