You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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