Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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