Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
