people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
