I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
