Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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