Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
