apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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