Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
