I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
