The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
