Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's blow job season.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
