If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
cat food counts as protein by the way
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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