I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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