He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
