I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
